Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
even my farts smell like vagina
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
