Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
