Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
