I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
