how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
