she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
