I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
