shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
