I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
