Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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