I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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