She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
