are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
