New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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