Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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