Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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