Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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