how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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