Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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