I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
