Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
