respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
