Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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