..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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