I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
