i permit you to call me
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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