Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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