Just cropdusted the office
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's shark week go big or go home
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
