I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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