so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
