I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
