Welp...herpes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
