He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
