there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
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All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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