Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize