i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
