There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
