it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
