Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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