Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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