waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
