If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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