something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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