You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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