she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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