OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
