There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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