I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
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I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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