Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm lost and stupid without you.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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