i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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