dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
