best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
