he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
