Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Holy sore nipples Batman
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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