I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
