i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
