I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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