Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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