So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
