I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
