nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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