I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This house was built for laser tag.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
