She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
