my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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