..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
