Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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