...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
