the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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